My Grown Up Christmas List

1. I hope we can put up our Christmas tree together so I can have the chance to put the stars on the top of the tree.
2. I wish that someone will still scratch my back till I get to sleep.
3. I hope that my mom will still bake cake for me.
4. I look forward for family picture before going to church and I’m so excited to post it in my friendster account.
5. I’m expecting Santa’s gift this Christmas even though I already caught mama and papa putting something in our tree.
6. I anticipate my dad’s grilled liempo or porkchop, (mmm…yummy)
7. I wish mama and papa won’t buy me dress or skirt for Christmas.
8. I’m looking forward for the Christmas mass that we always attend to as a family.
9. I anticipate the midnight meal where we used to eat together during Christmas eve.
10. For my last wish, I hope my mom and dad is still together, so we can do all those nice stuff together, as a family, as one.

It’s a simple wish list that I know will be impossible and won’t come true. I hope, I anticipate, I look forward to, I expect and I wish that I can experience all those things even for the last time, even in just a dream.

Pata - Pata - PataPon

Have you ever ever in your whole life

seen the things that I see or live the life,

people don’t know what I go through

imagine what its like growing up in the hood

Have you ever ever in your whole life

seen the things that I see or live the life,

people don’t know what I go through

imagine what its like being misunderstood

That’s the phrase na ending sa isang tragic but melodic love song, parang ending ng love story ni mama at papa tragic but melodic. Hindrances makes it tragic, and the fine tune of melody, kami ni baby tabz, danceable hiphop turned emo ang takbo ng life namin. It sound so sweet at first but as you sing with it you’ll end up screaming.

Mahirap tumawa at ipakita sa tao na wala kang problema or iniisip na mabigat. To the fact that you even joke about the pain inside you. But of course, life shouldn’t end that way, takot pa din akong harapin ang tragic truth, MY MOM AND DAD’S ROMANCE HAD ALREADY ENDED.

Am I selfish acting the way I act right now? I used to be friendly pero masisi ba q ng tao kung mas gusto kong tumahimik at maging mag-isa dahil sa sunod sunod na sakit sa ulo ang inabot q sa pamilya ko. 50% ng kinakatakutan ko nangyari na sa buhay ko, the other half? Pag nawala na talaga sila ng tuluyan sa buhay ko.

I wanna be cool with the situation, pero anong magagawa ko, masakit at mahirap gawin. Di ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit ganun, at bakit nagka-ganun. Di ko alam if I should do something o talagang I should shut up dahil wala naman talaga akong magagawa dahil wala na talaga?

Kung minsan puro tanong lang talaga tumatakbo sa utak ko, di ko alam paano masasagot ang lahat, wala naman kasi sa internet eh, mahirap i-research. Siguro nga its better for them to be off and far from each other, pero sana di nila nakakalimutan na may mga anak sila, di lang naman pera at material things ang kailangan namin ng kapatid ko, kailangan pa rin namin un so called moral support nila. Ewan ko di ko na alam paano lulusutan tong problemang ito. Bahala na si Lord, wala naman ibang reresback para sa akin, SIYA lang…